#the worst part i think is that theres no way for me to show a non-player what i do without it losing a degree of its impressiveness

[teffiyx]

let's talk about mouthwashing!

spoilers for the game. duh.

trigger warning for abuse, SA, death.

i feel like we all know how complex the story telling for the game is yet theres still people that don't seem to get it entirely. i decided to ramble about that. im sure others have done it before me but let me ramble about my hyperfixation god damn it.

this is the first out of 3 posts so strap in. the 3rd one is a LONG one.

before i start a few disclaimers: i am rather new to mouthwashing so i do not know EVERYTHING. im just talking about my own interpretation, if there's any missing details pls inform me!

Anya is a shy and timid character!

this of course is not true but i've noticed a few people that still cling onto this interpretation of her. even though its not a vocal group that has this idea, i'd like to talk more about this.

Jimmy is an unreliable narrator, we were given that knowledge with a scene where we see multiple working cryo pods post-crash, despite us knowing there is only one functioning cryo pod.

so of course, knowing that information, most people would start to realise everything we went through as Jimmy post-crash, it was all biased, we were in the eyes of an abuser, and we trusted the words he used to describe Anya as part of her character. that's also part of the horror for this game in my opinion. the horror that i agreed the views of an abuser horrifies me.

"He - It just hurts him so much. I can't stand the noise."

"...You did make it through nursing school, right?"

"Pony Express sure does know how to cut corners, if nothing else."

-

"I was hoping you could help me with Captain-"

"Curly."

"Right, sorry ...w-with Curly's medication?"

"People have to be worth their titles."

"Don't you think, nurse Anya?"

"...Y-yeah. Forget I asked."

these two different conversations happened in the same scene at the start of the game. after going through the game we can see now how Jimmy talks to Anya is downright insulting. maybe some people have picked up on it during their first playthrough that the way he talks to her is not normal, but we didn't think much of it. but now, now things are different.

"Anya never got into medical school because she's... well, let's be real."

"And how many employment years Swansea got left in him?"

"Daisuke will be fine, mommy and daddy have him covered. So there's that at least."

"But you."

"Headed for bigger and better, right?"

this string of dialogue came 6 days before the crash, when everyone is gathered for Curly's surprise party and Curly decided to drop the news that Pony Express is letting them all go. (this dialogue will be brought up again for something else.)

he was almost insulting everyone sitting at the table, yet in this string of dialogue, he completely disregards Anya. summing his point about her as "well, let's be real.". it shows how much he views her, which was practically nothing. but first-time playing, you didn't think much of it. because he also insulted everyone else.

to summarise this whole thing, Anya as a character is not shy or timid, it is simply how Jimmy views her. but even so, we probably will never know how Anya is truly like. because even when she mentions this won't be her worst moment, she is only remembered as a poor crew member that god abused and assaulted by another member, which is, her worst moment alive.

[icarusredwings]

Prolouge to "Dog Tags" :)

I like to think- At least in my Finding home au- That Worst wolverine IS orgins Logan minus a few changes so he literally had to fight his Wade, which he feels really bad about but man they made him do all sorts of stuff that Wade would never do. Wtf you mean his Wade has kids in cages? This Wade would never. And it only hurts him the MORE he learns about wade, that he was under someone elses control to kill his parents and how Francis threatened to sew his mouth shut.

Theres so many similarities yet.. he's different. But at the same time he's not? And hes so greatful. He's still got the quips and the skills, sure his face is a little different but yeah thats definitely Wade.

So he's really not shocked to know he was a soldier, but when Wade first brings it up, Logan frowns, his eyes get a little wide as if they just entered a touchy subject.

"And.. you left?" You can actively see him internally begging."Please say you left. Please say you left. Please say you left" so when Wade, whos doing something simple like making mac and cheese turns with a smirk like "Sure- if you think getting handed the pink slip and being told you're never allowed to work for the canadian government ever again because I couldn't follow orders is 'leaving' then yeah. I left."

And a large relief falls over him because one of the main reasons stryker liked wade was because he was "the perfect soilder except for his mouth" "does what he's told" etc. So to hear that this wade didn't get picked up because he didnt do what he was told is a massive relief.

".. you got your tags?"

"Well.. yeah. Somewhere around here. Ness might have'm still.... why do you ask?" And it makes wade really nervous because no duh - hundreds of people have betrayed him. He wouldn't honestly be too shocked if Logan suddenly decided he wanted him dead for whatever reason.

Logan just smiles and tries to make a joke "Ill show you mine if you show me yours"

This eases Wade a bit so he laughs and is like yeah sure. Goes in there, digs around for a bit, brings back out the tags, his patch nametag, and a picture of his platoon but most of them are either scribbled out or ripped off.

"Turns out- when you leave special ops- You become a person of intrest to your ex friends" though the way he says this makes Logan want to hug him because OUCH- Yeaahh he felt that way too much.

So, he assumes that wades killed them for trying to kill him instead, runs his thumb over the emboardered lettering of the name tag and of the imprinted metal with a soft smile.

Now wades not dumb. This was rememberance.

"...Didn't you mention you had a wade in your universe? Crazy fucker? No cancer? Lucky bastard-" he grumbles, a little jealous, assuming that Logan had something with that wade too. Part of him is estatic because of the thought. Like yay! But the other part is "I would so ☠��� myself if another me flirted with my man"

"Yeah.. poor guy had his mouth completely removed."

"Well shit. Merc WITHOUT a mouth isnt a very good name now is it- Wait second. Lines all over him? Look like a weird egg? Warehouse fight?"

Logan looks at him like 'how the fuck did you know that?'

"Yeah! Ugh poor guy. Put him out of his misery like old yeller. Put a whole load into his head. Was that you- or? A different wolvie?"

Logan blinks, trying to process the fact that Wade just cassually admits to ☠️ing himself in another timeline, but also He didn't remember that which implies that this happened not only in his old universe but other universes too.

"No.. that wasnt me."

It makes him upset to think about anyone wanting to take away Wades right to speak. He understood that being yapped at, at 6 am wasn't the funnest thing in the world but he would never in a million years want to take away his ability to say such beautiful things. The way he spoke so passionatly about things, how smart and caring he was. Even when he said stupid shit like "Thats what she said" after the most random sentence.

"Hey wade? Were out of milk"

"Thats what she said."

"Huh??"

His grip tightens on the tags as he sighs heavily, digging out how own and hands them to wade, who by now has finished cooking the mac and cheese, successfully not burning down the apartment.

Wade, of course, becomes excited giggling and going "Oooooh! Special! Old as hell too- damn wolvie whens the last time you washed these? All scratched up and- they stink!"

Logan smiles. "You're more then welcome to clean'em."

But this is said to be bad luck. To clean someone elses tags implies that theyre dead because they cant do it themsleves. Wade immediately shakes his head, trying to hand them back.

"No! I-.. you clean them."

Logan dosn't even look up, still fiddling with wades, looking at the numbers and such. "Eh. Keep'em."

"You.. why do you want me to keep your tags? Theyre yours. You can't just give me your tags thats-"

"Wade... Keep'em. Im not that man anymore. And I never want to be."

This seems like a new light for wade as he realizes that he too isn't the same man who wore the ones in those rough hands. He looks at Logans tags again, the cogs in his mind turning only to be interrupted by a small..

"..Can I keep these?"

"What?"

"Your tags... can.. I keep them?"

Immediately, a lightbulb flashes in wades head.

"You wanna swap tags with me!? Oh my god really!?"

Logan shrugs, oblivious to what this means. "I mean.. I dont want mine. And if you dont want yours.."

"Yes!! I'll keep them safe I swear!"

He then runs off, leaving the stove on to go tell Al, giggling as he puts them on.

Blinking, Logan sighs heavily, shaking his head with a smile as he turns off the oven, having a bad feeling that he just did something far different from what he was trying too.

Turns out... that's how they got engaged..

Everyone forgets that Wade was a soldier. A fucking good one. The reason he is so good at being Deadpool is because of that. Yes, he doesn't have to worry about dying, but he strategically takes hits to stun the enemies.

I think Logan would love to see Wade planning out a mission for the first time.

He expects Wade to just go in guns blazing, but he doesn't. Wade pulls out a blueprint of the building, marks areas he knows have security, shows Logan exactly where the target is and how to shut down the villains evil machine of the week. He tells him exactly where he needs to go to pull it off and doesn't make any jokes the entire time.

Logan is alittle surprised, but he can deal with that after the mission.

And after the mission- that goes smoother than any X-Men mission he'd ever done- he can't help but ask Wade why he did all of the prep and how he knew so much about where they were going.

And Wade just shrugs and says "that's how we did it in the military, why? Not how fancy Cyclops did it?" and now he's even more confused because- huh? Wade was in the military??

And so that night Logan just asks him loads of questions, they share a few war stories, and Wade tells him all about how he scouted the warehouse out for a few days and planned the mission.

[siveine]

i think im so nervous about finishing my contract because i wont know what to do with myself afterwards. like, sure theyve forgotten about me and nearly abandoned me, and im quite literally being used then thrown away, but after i get my discharge papers im going to be without purpose again and i dont know if i can do it a second time

[todayisafridaynight]

chewing these until i explode and die

[hollis-exe]

they gotta put some sort of enrichment in my cave man i just spent 3 hours placing cubes

[marciliedonato]

me noticing paramore are on tour pretty much nonstop from the beggining of march to august 1 and the only things that are left to announce are eu/asia and aus/nz and they usually announce eu first so if they take a small break first they’d be going around europe at the end of 2023....near my birthday....so there could be a show on my birthday...

[cherrylight]

i have so many things i want to do on here!! oh my goddddd!!! i want to be unapologetically me! i just get so nervous and i fear like im being too much on here !!!!!

like!!! i want to post silly incorrect quote stuff on here :( and talk about my selfships and silly fandoms i love .... and my silly self insert that makes me so happy ... and post MORE AND MORE AND MORE BUT IM SO NERVOUSSSSSSSSS

it makes no sense !!!!! i mean i guess it does..... having someone who kind of puts you down all the time for the things you share with them makes you terrified to do literally anything and thats actually sooooooooo frustrating.......... wahhhhh

besides ........ i really wanna do something for my birthday blargh!! >_<

[lawva-girl]

Law x fem!reader, 18+

im trying!!! This is an excerpt from a fic im writing on a03 right now, and i kinda want some feed back on it cause this is my first time writing smut. This is just an excerpt so theres some missing context and this isn't the end of the scene either!

I am just waaaay to horny for this man, please enjoy :D

(WC: 550 ish)

He was above you again. He had two fingers in your mouth to keep you quiet, and of course showing off his annoying smirk that he looked so good with. You looked into his eyes, while swirling your tongue around his fingers, trying to push between the two. 

“Couldn’t hold yourself back anymore?” His hand retreated to your lips, so that he could hear your answer. 

“Do you want me to?” 

“My little shadow, you shouldn’t answer a question with a question.” He stared into your eyes for a second, then pressed his fingers back to your mouth. 

Your hands struggled against his grip, while you gave him your absolute best puppy dog eyes. He had to know how mean and torturous he was being. 

“Fuck.” It was just barely above a whisper, had there been any other noise at all you would’ve missed it, but you didn’t. Law saw in your eyes that you had heard, the way they went from begging to amusement in a second. 

You tried to move your head back to get out a word or two about how he had just practically moaned at you sucking his fingers of all things, but he gave you no room. Instead he forced “E” and “A” further into you, with his thumb resting under your chin.

He finally gave you respite after you sucked a little harder, pulling his saliva covered fingers out. They left a stringy mess behind, but you finally had a chance to speak.

Law beat you to it. “Be patient.” 

He was looking down over you, still straddling you. He used the saliva left on his fingers on your neck, tracing a line down to the hem of the neckline of your shirt. You would’ve been fine if he wasn’t staring at you, but all you could think about was him staring at you, in your exposed form. 

The worst part is you still had your clothes on, your shirt had just ridden up, exposing your belly and that awkward space where your ribs were. Your skirt had ridden up too, looking quite unattractive bunched up right below your belly. Laws legs were preventing it from going any higher, along with your stomach. But the way Law stared at you? You would’ve thought you were naked or dressed up in his favorite lingerie. 

Feeling more shy every second he stared at you, you tried to bury your face into the pillow. Law surprised you before you could. 

He had finally touched you, in the moment you accidentally let out a moan. Mainly out of shock, since he had groped your left boob. He rubbed it, you figured he was seeking another response from you so you bit back any moan that might’ve surfaced. 

As he kneaded the flesh through your shirt, the shock faded and you spoke, “why are you torturing me?” Thankfully your voice came out more clear than you thought it would’ve.

“I’ll tell you something disgusting…” he leaned down to your ear, moving his hand to your hip where he squeezed, “I don’t know if you’ll ever let me again, so I’m gonna take my time… I’m gonna remember every single detail, every single noise you let me hear, the way your skin feels… I’ll never forget any of it.”

[doyouevenshipbr0]

examples of atla live action’s attempts to be more feminist and how they actually had the opposite effect and/or hurt the integrity of the show

already talked about katara and pakku. does not make sense that she did not have a master. point blank. just because something sounds empowering (ie katara saying “yes. and ur looking at her.” after zuko asked if she found a master) doesn’t mean it automatically is. there still needs to be logic and katara “being her own master” defies logic imo im sorry!

katara in general. she has no ferocity here which to be very honest i dont think is fully the writers’ fault. some of the blame goes on them but the actress for katara just delivered alllllll of her lines w the same exact mild tone. katara is overly motherly. she is bossy. she is passionate. she is nurturing. she is emotional. THERE IS POWER IN THESE THINGS!!!!! why would we take away her spark?!?!?!

i loved live action suki. however, i LOVE the line in the original when her and sokka part ways and sokka says “i treated u like a girl when i should’ve treated u like a warrior.” and suki says “i am a warrior” *kisses sokka on the cheek* “but im a girl too.” THAT LINE WAS SO PERFECT like lemme say it again there is POWER IN FEMININITY! there is no shame in that!!!!! why does this show wanna take that away so badly. at one point live action suki says something like “im not just a warrior, im a kiyoshi warrior” and before she parts ways w sokka she thanks him for showing her some of the world or something like that. which was fine but i just love the simplicity of the original. a girl can be a warrior and have a crush. why do we have to change that?

this is a small one and it doesnt REALLY matter, but i cant help but think they changed this to be more “feminist” which is just dumb. yue isnt betrothed? well she was but she broke it off? and hahn (her ex) isnt a huge dick? i mean it wasn’t the worst thing and i didnt really mind it but i was just kinda like ?????. feel like yue being betrothed tied into her sense of responsibility and foreshadowed the sacrifices she will make for her people. so. feels rly weird that they changed it. i think it was to show more women agency which is always cool. but in the original, yue finally gets her agency by becoming the moon spirit. that should be the end of her character arc. idk. a weird change that seemed unnecessary.

sokka not being sexist. honestly i think the live action did a good job at omitting this while not REALLY making it feel like something was missing. with that being said, something was still missing lol. once again, its apart of sokka’s character. i feel like everyone has already expressed their hate for this so ill just leave it at that.

i am a TAD indifferent on the women of the northern tribe joining the forces during the fight. on one hand i cant lie i smiled bc obviously i love water bending and i love women so there was definitely apart of me that was happy to see that moment. however. it was kind of giving like in endgame when theres that random shot of all the women superheroes in one frame so the movie could have a “slay queen. we are girlbosses:)” moment. like it just felt a little empty and it wasnt the feminist battlecry they thought it was. these women have been healing their whole lives. why would they be any good on the frontlines of a fight? they never learned combat skills! HOWEVER, when we see them, its mainly just them reinforcing the walls so like. that makes enough sense. im cool w that.

i know im dwelling but as we know i hold atla in the highest regards. it does a lot of things perfectly imo. and one of the things i think it does PERFECTLY is its treatment of female characters. literally the only thing i can think of that i dont like is when team azula beats the kiyoshi warriors and ty lee says something like “u are NOT prettier than us” NDBSKSJDJ like ok that was weird. but anyways. it irritates me how the live action kind of seems to have this pov that says “the original was good, but there were some ideas and plots that were outdated so we changed them to keep with the times” like they’re fixing something that was broken if that makes sense. when in actuality, i think atla’s representation of women is perfect and timeless. it was relevant and powerful in 2005, and it is equally as relevant and powerful in 2024. there was nothing about its feminist themes that needed to be “fixed” or “updated”.

[sammygender]

thoughts on how the sam & dean part of the fight before sam left for stanford went !

i am addicted to thinking about precanon so thank you for this <33

i think people r generally way too optimistic about how that initial seperation between them went. dean is awful to sam about stanford even years after he left and years after he came back!! hes still very visibly angry about it in s5 which is NINE YEARS after he left in the first place and refuses to even tolerate the idea it was a good moment for sam. i cannot comprehend how people think 22 year old dean had the emotional maturity to even let sam go without a fight, nevermind be supportive about it.

like. theres this amazinggg art on here of sam hitchhiking to stanford and all the comments are like 'erm that black eye would be from JOHN actually!' (side note but it is so funny to me how spn fans decide john hit them based on implication (which i agree w... to an extent...) but dean hitting sam onscreen multiple times somehow translates to 'DEAN WOULD NEVER DO THAT'. erm. okay.) 'nooo dean would've given sam a lift!'

and like. what show are you watching. if dean would've given sam a lift he would've done it to the bus station in moody silence and then locked the doors of the impala so sam couldn't get out to catch his bus to stanford and they would've started physically fighting for the car keys and dean eventually wouldve let sam get them and sam wouldve left. or something. but it would not be some sweet brotherly moment bc that directly contradicts canon <3

i do think the worst of the fight is between sam & john - that's always what's implied in canon - and in my head dean's just standing there stonefaced maybe refusing to even talk to sam until theyre left alone somehow and he breaks. but i also think dean hits sam at some point, will always have the image in my head of sam showing up to stanford w a bloody nose and fending off questions. (internally hes like no my dad didnt do this it was my brother so its fine. <3.) theres a scene like this in one of my fics so im just drawing from that. but. like....

idk how dean/john finds out. if dean found out before john, i think dean probably wouldve run to him about it in an attempt to get sam Not To Go as much as it would be nice if he didnt, so i reckon they have to find out at about the same time. i think sam is unsure what to expect from dean, who of course (as far as we see both in flashbacks and in canon) alternates between genuine care and support and angry, desperate possessiveness. he probably hopes for the best and expects the worst and gets the worst.

there r definitely lots of different ways it could go....maybe sam tells dean and dean tells john. maybe sam tells john without telling dean at all and thats how dean finds out which totally wrecks him. maybe sam tells them both at the same time. maybe sam never tells them and they find the acceptance letter. this is why stanford fight is sooo fascinating. i feel like i could write five different versions of it and all would be possible/interesting.

but whichever way, i just dont see dean as contradicting john. he generally Doesnt Ever precanon, this is established, he admits it himself, thats why its such a huge moment when he defends sam at the end of s1.....sam going on about dean 'protecting him' is 1. more subtle and probably to do with dean being the one to shoulder most of johns emotional baggage than the heller misinterpretation of 'john hit dean but not sam and thats what this means!!!' (tho i am sure dean did genuinely Protect sam sometimes including from physical violence. of course he did. this isnt to discredit that..i just emphasise the Sometimes.). and 2. partially just classic Sam Rewriting History (u always protected me from dad, from lucifer....girl he did those things very little certainly not always. know your worth sam winchester).

so if dean gives sam a very angry lift (to a nearby bus station...there is absolutely zero fucking way hes driving him to stanford and tbh i already find this quite unlikely but possibilities r interesting) its on john's say-so or at least not disapproval. which like. sure maybe. john certainly is concerned about sam's safety even after he kicks him out, checking up on him at stanford etc, id believe that hed want to ensure sam Gets there even if the fight ended up so bad he told sam he couldnt come back. tho hes stubborn and i dont think hed say it. so maybe itd be a case of dean kind of picking up that that's what john wants and complying even though right now half of him wants to never see sam again and the other half wants to tie him to the radiator so he can never leave. sorry i am literally brainstorming fic ideas in this ask answer now.

anyway....SORRY id say long ass answer as always but this is actually INSANELY long......sorry guys im about to embark upon getting tested for adhd and maybe then my rambles will be, while not shorter in length, more cohesive? tldr fandom is wrong dean is an absolute ASS during stanford fight. obviously sam leaving devastates him and how does dean cope with devastation or perceived abandonment do we think?? hm?? he is just as angry as john for the same and different reasons. and thats really so much more interesting than him being Secretly Supportive. <3

[chaifootsteps]

maybe this is an exaggeration, but glitz and glam feel like stella on crack to me, because its not one, but two women, who have to not only sexualize themselves for the sake of a job they probably wouldnt be doing if they had a choice for a better paying career, (because they fucking hate each other obviously, they dont want to work together at all, even if theyre good at it,) they also have to sexualize their other sibling.

imagine if you had to sexualize yourself and the twin sister youve grown up with your entire life, because you dont have any other monetary option. why else would they be doing it at all if they fucking despise the other, if not for income? viv making them hate each other so much and trying so goddamn hard to make them unjustified assholes, accidentally did the opposite, because just like stella, the anger they feel towards someone else they're forced to be with is justified, no matter how the narrative wants you to think theyre not.

especially when family doing sex work together, especially women, parallels the real world scenario in which it happens as well, making money off of peoples (mostly mens) incest fetish, by giving them the real deal. that's what glitz and glam are supposed to be, except it's supposed to be bad that they're making bank off of people in hell wanting to see sisters flashing their tits, and actually, theyre the bad guys for exploiting a nasty kink people have, and for working with mammon exclusively for money instead of out of passion like fizz did- money that they probably need to live far more then mr. immortal-bride-to-be-of-fucking-asmodeus-himself needs!

and y'know what the worst part is? it literally didn't have to be this way. squidderdoodles concept art only showed the glitz and glam sisters serving cunt with their outfits/designs and serving actually clowning on the stage, not sexualized fan service, but viv threw that away and was like, "nah, actually, i think they should be siblings! that rub their asses and flash their tits together :)" just because she wanted fizz to look better in comparison, and understood she needed a comedically bad villain in comparison, because she must think her audience is too stupid to understand that youre supposed to root for fizz in this ep, unless theres a newly made and conveniently placed character to make that obvious to the viewer. i mean, why else does oliver exist? i genuinely think thats the only reason theyre written like caricatures of bitches, despite the fact they unintentionally have just as much of a potentially sympathetic backstory/episode to me as stella does.

An entire, Viv-free series based off of Salem's vastly superior concept is what Glitz and Glam deserve, what Salem deserves, and what we all deserve.

[crimeronan]

OH. thought: while hes knocked out, THATS when luz comes back. because it would be horrifying for both of them.

luz rushes to the owl house right after killing belos and she walks in and hunter cant be roused and she FREAKS OUT. eda barely manages to calm her down with "hooty gave him sleeping nettles." and luz responds ".. AFTER THAT MUCH ALCOHOL?? IS THAT SAFE??" and eda is suddenly Disliking the fact that dead people can watch her commit crimes, Apparently.

meanwhile hunter is pleading with dream luz to stay with him, and then he just hears, in luzs voice, "hunter, hunter you need to wake up.. its ok.. i'm right here with you" and he knows it isnt dream luz. and he is so devastated because he knows she wont be there, but theres another part of him thats so heartbroken and desperate hes going to listen to her immediately. even if its not her.

and then, begrudgingly he wakes up. for a split second hes in so much pain cause hes still in the cabin so shes still dead, but.. luz is holding him and covered in belos goop and blood and looking like that and shes all "omg hi hunter!! :3 💓💓💓💞💞💖💖❤️🧡💛����🩵💙💜🩷"

i think hunter immediately deserves to burst into the most tears ever over this. just spend an hour, at least, crying uncontrollably while luz tries to console him. and they also deserve AT LEAST 48 hours in a luz protective light bubble where no one can bother them ever.

god, i just wrote a fic where hunter has a godawful dream and wakes up alone, but 1) this is the alternate good ending instead and 2) if it goes down like it does in the fic, i STILL want luz to come back shortly after hunter wakes up. because by that point he's gone from being in pain to being angry & luz shows up in titan form covered in gore like "hi <3" and hunter is like oh i'm still sleeping nettles dreaming. fine. Fine. what terrible things does my subconscious have to say to me this time

and luz just grabs him and holds him and is like "i'm sorry, i'm sorry i couldn't come sooner, i love you, it's okay" and hunter is like. this is the worst thing you could do to me. but okay. okay i can pretend

he starts to realize it's real within an hour but he's scared to acknowledge that, because if he's Wrong, then believing it's real is the fastest way to make the bubble pop. but eventually he comes around. probably after amity yells at him again.

and then yeah. absolutely he's just going to spend some time crying uncontrollably and refusing to let go of her. and then spend 48 hours in a light bubble where no one can bother them ever

amity feels incredibly fucking weird about witnessing all this and is like "umm okay i don't think i should see you this vulnerable so i can.... go...."

while luz is like "wait. amity blight. you have my allegiance 5eva. can i die for you too."

[biggestsimp12]

Let me show you how much i've missed you.

----------------------------------

(this has been sitting in my drafts for a week now =w=)

! HUGE SPOILERS (sumeru quest)!

(angst with fluff at the end)

(Wanted to do this in 2 parts but scratch that)

---------------————————

You were finally free. You finally escaped that cursed place once and forever.

You ran as screams of terror and agony could be heard behind you, slowly fading away.

Flashbacks from previous minutes floaded your mind, ringing in your brain over and over again.

--

You were captured and selled by some mora-thirst people to a psychopatic inazumian scientist. They kept experimenting your powers, trying to create changes wich caused you extreme pain, yet little to no change. The scientist took advantage of your immortality to insert all sorts of chemicals in your blood. While he was preparing another dose for one of his endless experiments on you, he accidentally dropped one of his glass tube, causing a big explosion to occur. Creating a sheild around you, you covered your eyes, loud noises echoing through the room. Smoke started to fill your senses, taking your hands off your eyes, watching in horror the sight in front of you. The whole lab was on fire, quickly devouring every inch of the building. Your eyes landed on the trapped figure in front of you. The scientist was being crushed almost to death by thick metal bar. Seeing you staring at him, he ordered you to help. Receiving no answer, he repeated once more, his command turning to pleading to desperately begging you to help him as fire quickly made its way to him. You looked at him almost in a pity full way, heading to the exit, the key word being almost. You started running out hearing your torturers cries for you not to.

--

You stopped at the only place you knew by heart. Or at least, used to. The chinju forest.

You sat down by a tree trying to catch your breath. You looked down at your freshly cut feet, all covered in blood. You must have cut yourself on the tons of broken glass left in the lab due to the explosion.

You slowly made your way to the small river, sitting down at its edge. You gently washed your feet wincing in pain when touching a deeper cut.

Your only goul now was to reunite with him once more.

-----------———————

Present day (before Nahida ereased everyones memories)

————————-----------

You don't know how much it passed. One century? Maybe 2, 3, 4? You had no idea. Your worst fear was statring to become true. What if you'll never see him again? What if he was dead? Even if not, did he still love you as much as you did? What if he wasn't the same? (even if he wasn't, you'll still accept him either way) Your thoughts were interrupted by bumping into something. Wait no. Someone.

Hey, watch where you're going! A high pitched fairy said, staring at you as you were some kind of criminal.

I'm deeply sorry little floating gi-

Oh no! *I think they look like some fatui! Yikes, not again!* Wait.. Did you just call me floating little girl!? The blonde girl/boy beside her started laughing at her little floating companions change of attitude. The blonde one looked at you, analyzing you as well.

Paimon, i don't fatuis have such type of masks. Besides they don't look like they did it on purpose.

What are fatuis?

They both stared at you in shock as if you just said that you got a bomb and its about to explode.

How could you not know what fatuis are?! Have you been living under a rock!?

Uhm could you stop yelling? I'm right beside you.

Sorry for her. She can over react some times. I'm Aether /Lumine and this is Paimon. Now, do you seriously do not know who the fatui are?

Y/N, nice to meet you. And no i haven't. Could you explain it to me? If you don't mind of course.

Of course we don't!

Ooh~ Paimon wants to tell them! Can i, please, please, please, please, pleaseeee?

------------—————

After exchanging both pasts and explaining about the fatuis

————————------

Yeah! And theres a scary doctor whos experimenting people and! and!

You frowned as you heard the word "experiment", bad memories floading your head. Paimon took notice of this as she started apologizing.

Oh, i'm sorry! Paimon didn't mean to make you uncomfortable!

You looked up at the small fairy beside you, giving her a weak smile.

Don't worry that was hundred of years ago. I'm glad there's someone who understands how i feel. I'm deeply sorry Lumine/Aether. I did see a girl/boy similar to you but that was a long time ago. Did you at least get to see her/him again?

One or two times. Yet she/he was so different than when we used to travel together. What about you? Have you gotten to see this person?

Your smile faded as you sighed.

I wish i did, he was such a sweetheart. It broke my heart seeing him cry like that while we got separated. Before they knocked me out i screamed a promise.

You smiled again looking down at your feet.

What promise did you make?

Paimon looked at you, captured by your story. You laughed at her cuteness, remembering your promise perfectly.

"I promise i'll search for you darling. No matter how bad the weather or bad the health, i'll always be searching. Our love shall never die, for i be forever searching, nobody can tear our love apart and i shall never lie."

Waaah (ᗒᗣᗕ)՞ Paimon thinks this is so sweet! What if you don't see him again??

The little floating girl said, hugging you tightly.

Don't worry Paimon. I haven't given up yet. He must somewhere in this world. If not i'll start traveling the worlds for him.

You said trying to get your hopes up. In reality you had no idea where he could be. You did in fact travel multiple worlds only to be stuck at the start line back in teyvat. You sighed, changing the subject to enlighten the mood.

After deciding to join them in their journey, you both made your way to the Sumeru City.

--------————

Timeskip after saving Nahida

————--------

Woah... Who would've thought there's place like this hidden right slap bang in the middle of the city!

The sages wanted to realize their god creation plan without being discovered. The safest and most convenient way would be to build within the Akademiya itself.

They are already hiding a god, so why not 2?

Your eyebrows furrow in confusion. What was this all fatui thing and fake god that they were talking about? If so, how come you never heard about them? Your thoughts were interrupted when Paimon spoke again.

Paimon knows that he was a prototype puppet for the Raiden Shogun before he became a Fatui Harbinger...

You stare at Paimon in shock. Did they know him all along? How come they never told you about this? Yeah the traveler said he/she had some vision about the Balladeer but they never told who he actually was. All these questions swelling up in your head made you furious yet sad at the same time.

You 2 sure seem to know about him quite well. Yet there is a certain person who has more knowledge about him and his past. In fact they were very close for that matter.

The traveler and Paimon looked confused at Nahida. The little elf like archon took your hand before speaking.

Y/N. I know you were searching him for a long time. Could you tell us what you know about him?

Wait.. Y/N!? The person you were searching is him?! But how!? When you were talking about him, he sounded so nice and sweet! He's literally nothing close that! He is an arrogant little-

Paimon, please do not jump to conclusions. We do not what occured in his life to change his behavior like that. So Y/N. How did you exactly meet?

Well.. I was walking through chinju forest when i heard something. I started investigating, trying to find the source of it when i tripped and fell into the water. A figure approached me asking me if i was alright. It was a boy in a white strange yet beautiful outfit. I stared at him for a while. His whole feauters didn't look much human. He looked like those gorgeous puppets you see in the kid theaters. He landed me his hand and hesitantly took it. Later on i learned his name and how he got there-

Oh so scaramouche right?

Paimon it is impolite to interrupt someone.

Nahida looked at Paimon, scolding her.

No its alright. His name isn't Scaramouche. Or at least it wasn't when i met him. He told me to call him Kunikuzushi.

After that i invited him to live with me, since he didn't have anywhere else to go. We then fell in love but it didn't last long due to those horrible people that took me. From that day on i never saw him at least once. What happend to him after is still unkown to me.

You finished with a sigh looking down at the little archon in front of you.

She nodded, putting her hand on her chin in a thinking way.

It seems that the occurrence of this events damaged both of your physical and mental health, on your side as much as his. We need to be as careful as possible when approaching him. We don't know what type of manifestation we will get out of him. Now, without further ado, our time is pretty much limited just like a candle on fire. Let's go.

------———

Mini time skip

———------

Looking at its operational status, we must prepare for the worst. The god they wanted to create... is likely close to completion, or already completed.

Paimon floated behind you pushing you forward gently.

If someone should go first it should be Y/N right? No offense Y/N but it's your lover.

You sighed looking at the little scared girl behind you.

As much i would love to talk to him, i don't think he would listen.

Y/N is right. We can't just burst all that Information like that. It could disadvantage us in battle strategy but also cooperation with him. I'm curious of what our fate may be. To me, everything we perceive in this world, everything we learn, and everything that happens to us is considered knowledge. However, only fate is about that which has yet to occur, so it has always drawn my curiosity. So to me, "fate" is the ultimate knowledge.

And now, at long last, I'm not just an observer anymore.

I will personally experience my own fate, with you by my side. Hehe, isn't this such a wonderfully exciting thing?

The dendro archon smiled at you three, closing her eyes. Okay, let's continue on. I can sense "his" aura from here... You watched in disbelief at the sight that standed before your eyes as you made your way further. It was in fact the boy you've been desperate to find again yet.. He looked so different.. So, lifeless.

Nahida used her magic as the blue haired boy had awoken.

The robot copied the puppets moves, making a strong wind.

The boy smiled scanning the sight before him.

Who would have thought... The world would be so eager for my "birth"

I remember you

The boy said looking at Nahida

Buer, the God of Wisdom... And standing beside you the Traveler

He said as his eyes finally reach you

And...

His eyes widened, facade dropping a little then going back on.

My.. My, what do we have here? Honestly i didn't think you'll have the guts to show yourself before me after cruelly abandoning me like that. I see you've changed. But dear so did i.

He said, venom within his words.

You watched him, tears welling in your eyes. Voice trapped in your throat, you could only watch him spitting his point of view of the past that you once shared. He did in fact change. You could see the actual Kunikuzushi behind. He was not evil, just hurt. And you knew it.

The Balladeer has already become a god...?

You listened to the conversation Paimon and Nahida had behind you.

"The Balladeer" A long bygone title..

When my spirit ascended to divinity

I felt as if I had existed for the same number of epochs as heaven and earth

Looking back

The existence of what once called itself "Kunikuzushi" appears infinitely small... and ugly

You couldn't believe what was happening right now. This was all your fault. If you knew how to fight that day, none of this events would have existed now. Seeing your uneasy state Nahida took your hand and spoke.

None if these are your fault Y/N. Life has its ups and downs that seem to affect not just human lifes, but immortal creatures both in good and bad ways as well. Everyone creates and has his own destiny. And now, you choose if you want to make a change or not.

Nahida said, looking up the "god" in front of you.

What a cute yet pathetic little speech. You should know that wisdom cannot solve every problem. Like now, where your only option is to face me in combat.

Come.. Let us reenact a scene of the Archon War. Come and inaugurate my birth as a god.

The traveler raised his/her sword as the battle begin

---———

You helped Aether/Lumine get up, watching the giant robot collapse.

Humans... filthy humans...!

The "god" spitted out, not wanting to accept defeat. The small archon flew closer to him, using her magic to take his gnosis. Noticing this the boy started panicking, looking at Nahida desperately.

No! Please! Anything but the gnosis..!

The boy begged, breaking the bots face plate.

That's mine! Don't even try..!

He said trying to hold a grasp of the gnosis, Wires slowly breaking behind him.

I'll..! I'll never go back!

He gave you a small glance, a desperate look on his face. Your heart only could ache at the sight of him being so hurt.

Y/N plea-

Before the boy could finished Nahida reached his gnosis, wires finally breaking, proceeding to make him fall, a lifeless look on his growing bigger by each second. You quickly rushed into catching him, fear rushing through your blood as you used your powers to create a sheild bubble around you 2. You watched his features as you slowly floated your way to the ground. You hugged him, visible tears running down your face. Nahida landed beside you giving you a sympathy look after returning to the traveler.

We haven't yet found the answer to the most important mystery.

Irminsul is still waiting to be saved.

------———

Time skip after Nahida ereased everyones memories

———------

You were not sure why you were crying a moment before just now. The traveler and Paimon exchanged looks before Paimon asked.

Do you remember what happend at the academia?

You gave Paimon a confused look before thinking at the previous events these days. Confused you told Paimon what you knew.

Uh.. We saved Nahida and sumeru. Why?

Paimon gave you a shocked expression.

Do you seriously not remember him??

Am i missing something?

You asked clearly confused.

You were searching for him remember?? You guys promised to search for each other! We just fought with him! You have to remember!

I think we should leave them alone Paimon.. Its not going to work if you press them like that. Let's go...

Aether/Lumine whispered to the little fairy.

Y/N we have to go. See you around!

Bye..?

---———

You walked around the Sumeru City, making some groceries. It's been a week since you and the traveler saved the irminsul. Something was missing yet you couldn't quite catch what. Paimons words from previous weeks ringed through your head, trying to find the answer to your curiosity.

Hey Y/N, over here!

You turned around to see Paimon and the traveler. Beside them there was another person facing another derection.

This is ridiculous.

Paimon pushed the big hat boy further giving him a thumbs up. You couldn't really see his face due him looking down.

Hi. My name is Y/N! Nice to meet you-

Upon seeing his face, memories click in your mind, now remembering it all. He was the person Paimon talked about. He was the person you were desperately searching all these centuries.

Kunikuzushi.

The boy looked shocked yet relieved. You took him into your arms, embracing him as if he would disappear. Paimon and the traveler smiled, leaving you two be.

I've missed you so much. W-where have you been all this time? How come could i never get to stumble upon you?

You said voice shaking from happiness.

It's not important. There are many things i regret in my past that i don't want to make you worry about. Right now, let me show you how much i've missed you.

---———

The end >¬>

Have a nice day/night

[definitelynotshouting]

i literally can't stop rotating hunger au worldbuilding and lore in my head. forgive me if you've ever touched on this in an ask before, but... re: the existential horror of being a parasite that has the sense of self of the host it ate. if one of grian's friends ever did get taken and used as a watcher larva host. how do you think he would feel about the watcher that came out the other side? would he want to see them as still the same person as his friend, or...?

Ive been staring at this ask since i got it with like. I need you to picture the most comically heartbroken expression right now okay. like this is me reading that and thinking about it in great and terrible detail:

Gods he would be devastated if this ever happened. He knows what thats like. He knows just how much it hurts-- and that its not a hurt that can be quantified, because its just that intense, that scalding, that encompassing of an experience to go through. I think, genuinely, Grian would be so utterly horrified and grief-stricken for whichever friend went through the Watcherification process that it would trump every other potential feeling on the list

But i think, ultimately, he would still view them as his friend, and treat them in the same way. There's a little bit of hypocrisy in Grian's character that i enjoy engaging with while writing him, and a good part of that in hunger au is centered around how he's firmly designated himself as the monster, and everybody else is the victim, and theres no room for nuance because he sucks and theyre the only people who are valid. When in reality, yes he hurt them, yes he did terrible and invasive things, but he did them out of pure survival rather than maliciousness, and that does make a subtle difference. And... hes not the only one who has fucked up, either!! The entire point of hunger au is how everyone has fumbled the bag in various ways and now they're all trying to clean it up together. Its just, yknow, Grian is so wrapped up in his own pain that he cant see those grey areas yet

And the thing is, if one of his friends got Watchered™, so to speak, and was standing in front of him, i think he would treat them with SO much compassion. Theyve been through possibly the worst thing anyone can experience and come out the other side-- at his core, Grian is i think a character who wants to do good, and do good by other people, and in this hypothetical that would translate into a lot of kindness he doesnt usually afford for himself. Honestly i think he'd spend the time trying to show them the ropes, get them set up in a better position than he found himself in, and provide his own fumbling emotional support as best he could, just out of sheer solidarity. Like, he gets it. He's been there. He may as well help out.

And i think he wouldnt even realize how hypocritical he's being until someone else pointed it out to him, about how he treats this friend with so much care but is simultaneously cruel to himself. I dont think he'd know how to handle that-- he's sort of dug himself a rut in the road with the way he thinks about and treats himself, and the cognitive dissonance would be really uncomfortable for him. Ultimately a good thing!!! Growth is often very uncomfortable. But imo Grian has a tendency to run from things like feelings of discomfort, so i think it'd take him a while to reconcile his previous ways of thinking with whats being presented in front of him essentially in the form of a mirror.

So uh. tl;dr: he'd be a little hypocrite about it and would feel a lot more compassionately inclined towards the friend than he does himself, and would try to help them out as best he could. Thank you for the incredible question that has given me the opportunity to rotate this worm at even higher speeds than usual inside my brainpan DKNFEKNDSKDJKDKD

[the-bonfires-ember]

ive been thinking about that thing people say about mental illness. yknow, 'its not a part of your personality' 'dont make it your identity' etc

but when you have a personality disorder, that doesnt really make sense anymore.

which makes my feelings on cluster b pride flags a little conflicted. coz, sure, it is fundamentally a part of your personality and certainly shapes your identity, but something about pride flags has always been off to me. perhaps especially as a person with aspd.

now, sure, on the one hand i get it. theres something appealing about having that kind of validation that you arent alone, especially when you are constantly masking and shifting who you are to fit the situation best.

we might have antisocial personality disorder but we are still, at our core, social creatures. we still desire community, we're just also afraid of it.

so yeah, a banner of community and others 'like us' seems fair enough, right?

BUT

theres still something... off to me about it. what it was, exactly, only came to me after a discussion with my partner about DID and PluralKit - yeah i know, im diving into plural drama now, lfg i guess

they showed me an infographic about the process of DID recovery which showed the progression from very disconnected and separated identities to a more blended 'final fusion' (a term they take issue with but thats a different story). i said that PluralKit must be confusing for people on the later ends of the spectrum they were showing me because, at that point, how do you tell who is blending with who? when the lines are blurry, how do you know who to tag yourself as? it seemed like an inhibitor to recovery if you were constantly cutting yourselves off from each other. (this is not me saying anything one way or the other about plurals and recovery in DID or whatever the fuck else, im just using this as an example. stfu i dont care about your opinions on any of this so dont waste your breath)

i think my feelings on aspd flags is somewhat similar. coz i mean, they are pride flags, right? and i think if you are taking pride in being aspd then you are far more likely to lean into your symptoms, and i think thats a slippery slope to go down and has just a very 'anti-recovery' vibe, if you know what i mean.

with that all said, i also very much think that if you dont want to recover, you dont have to. i dont think you can force anyone to recover and i dont think you should even try to. recovery is fucking shit and its hard and if you arent ready for it, you are just going to hurt whoever you are trying to make recover.

but i also think that you can have that opinion, whilst also being a voice for recovery, and be against 'anti-recovery' thinking.

because look, like it or not aspd is a fucking disorder. and at some point that becomes unhelpful or it wouldnt be a disorder. symptoms of aspd are debilitating and pretending otherwise that helps nobody. especially with all the 'all pwASPD are evil' scum out there.

so yes, i think the pride flags are... unhelpful at best and harmful at worst. but what about the other stuff? the creatures alla tbh creature and the plushiedreadful rabbit? (i think both of those designs suck btw but thats not the point)

idk those feel like they are in a different category. theres not really a sense of pride in those, more a sense of comfort. again, community, but also a sort of softness(??) that the pride flag things seem to miss - especially when they are like 'vampire aspd' or 'evil aspd' or any of the other bullshit things ive seen out there. i guess they are also just way more 'mental illness' coded than pride flags are.

pride flags have always been a 'we're here and theres nothing wrong with us' kind of thing. but the creatures and the bears are more lighthearted and sort of making fun of the conditions a little bit. highlighting symptoms and coping mechanisms. just look at the imocreature - specifically the worm one which is my favourite - and the way its able to be so pathetic looking and cute. its not meant to be cool or badass or whatever else, its just a lil guy that gets sad without supply.

which, yknow, relatable.

[zvdvdlvr]

fluff alphabet

( dallas winston )

-> navi. | -> outsiders masterlist

-warnings: sexual references, (mention of) smoking/getting high

-pairing: dallas winston x gn!reader

-reading time: 8-10 minutes ish

-reader's pronouns: unmentioned (lmk if i need to edit)

A = Admiration (what do they absolutely adore about you?)

honestly he loves your temper. he loves your possessiveness. dallas loves your fighting spirit. dallas fucking winston admires your anger

B = Body (what is their favorite part of your body?)

he loves your pretty lips. he loves to watch them wrap around a cigarette, blunt, and maybe something else...

dallas is a sucker for watching you argue with someone. he loves that you'll argue for him when he's not there, how you'll defend him even when he has all of his morals fucked up, and he especially likes it when you argue with him

C = Cuddling (how do they like to cuddle?)

damn ok so i love the idea that dally always lets you snuggle into his arm while he does whatever. if its smoking, drinking, laughing, talking

either way, dally loves when you're asleep and you're both on someone's couch or whatever and you have your arm draped over him and your leg is thrown over his idfk. dallas just loves you & him

D = Dates (what does their ideal date with you look like?)

him + you + cruising on some back road + getting high

dally has a thing for falling asleep with you while looking at the stars in his car

E = Emotions (how do they express emotion around you?)

by looking at you and hoping you know whatever the fuck is going on by his facial expression

F = Family (do they want one? If they do, when?)

no. i really dont think our very own dallas winston has it in him to sit still for very long. that and dally isn't really a fan of kids

G = Gifts (how do they feel about gift giving? What are their habits when it comes to this?)

dallas showers you in cigarettes, joints, and car rides. dally doesn't have much money, and when he does, he spends that on buying gas for his car, but he saves up for your birthday

for the record, you're the only one allowed to drive his car

H = Holding Hands (when/how do they like to hold hands?)

anytime you're together. dally isnt afraid to show you off if thats a worry of yours, and the gang finds it digestingly cute

I = Injury (how would they act if you got hurt?)

absolutely pissed. he would go bat shit crazy on the person that hurt you (if someone hurt you) and would be listening to your every beck and call

J = Jokes (do they like to joke around with or prank you? how?)

dally isn't much of a prankster, but he jokes a lot. if he can't get a laugh out of you, he'll make daces at you to get you to smile (its so sweet thinking about it)

K = Kisses (how do they like to kiss you?)

passionately, roughly, and full of emotion. theres so much that you've gone through with dally that he cant and wont fully express what that means ro him, so he makes his kisses meaningful

L = Love (how do they show you they love you?)

by looking out for you when possible. dally isnt as affectionate as he wished he could be, but will always try to be there for you, whether hes good at comforting you or cheering you on or not

M = Memory (favorite memory together?)

either when you made out the first time or the first time he fell asleep

N = Nightmare (what is their worst fear?)

regarding you: turning your back on him

O = Oddity (what is one quirk they have?)

dallas plays with your fingers when hes nervous. only you know because you can feel how clammy his hands are and who would ever question if dallas winston ever got got nervous?

P = Pet Names (what do they like to call you?)

doll, baby, my girl, my boy

Q = Quality Time (how do they like to spend time with you?)

cruising while smoking with you

R = Rhythm (what song reminds you of them?)

-young by vacations

-tonight you belong to me by patience & prudence

-garden by pearl jam

-santa monica by THEORY

(idk abt this but whatever)

S = Secrets (how open are they with you?)

honestly depends on the situmatation

T = Time (how long did it take you to get together?)

it took dally two years to convince you his flirtations and advances weren't bogus

U = Upset (how do they act when you’re upset?)

Dallas himself has Red Rage. dallas gets defiant and sometimes loud and 18392829 times more reckless, and it takes you a while to get through to him

when you're upset (crying), he will be there to comfort you the best he can. if you're upset (fury), then darry will try to keep you from doing something illegal and will keep you from getting hurt, but will let you do something impulsive if you're absolutely sure thats what you wanna do

V = Vaunt (what are they proud of? Do they like to show you off?)

he's proud that he finally 'caught a good one' in johnny's words. he'll take you everywhere and anywhere you wanna go, especially if its with him. if it's a fight, dally will make sure you're safe and if the fuzz pull up, he'll make sure you escape before people get thrown into cars and into the cooler

W = Warrior (how do they feel about you fighting? Would they fight for you, beside you, etc?)

the thought of you fighting is hot as hell to dally. he'll 100% fight with/for you if you just said the word. fighting with dally would definitely taking a few hits for him and keeping him on his feet

X = X-Ray (how well are they able to read you?)

depends on how far into the relationship you are. dally's pretty clueless for a while, but will easily pick up on what makes you tick and how to comfort you

Y = Yes (how would they propose to you?)

by asking you when high or half asleep or both. it'd be asked as an idea, with or without your parents permission

Z = Zen (what makes them feel calm?)

smoking, driving, you, and johnny.